Losing weight is hard right. But you know what really sucks? Losing it once, then putting it back on (albeit not all of it thank god), then trying to lose it all over again!
But it is where I find myself right now. And I must admit I have met with some dark days and even darker thoughts on my need to 'snap back' after having my baby girl, or how I couldn't bare telling people I was a PT (oh the shame of it) or how hard it was to walk back into a fitness class.
The pressure got all too much just a few days ago when I went to group class and the instructor recognised me from my former days as a PT and gym owner. She immediately told me about how she used to follow my gym page and that I was inspirational. Lovely, right? Well it should have been but instead I wanted to turn and run right out of her class or burst into tears...or both! It's safe to say that that was a pretty shitty day but it made me realise just how much pressure I was putting on myself to get back to where I felt like...I dunno...my old self.
After a day of contemplation and tears over how crap I felt, I dug deep into what was really making me so unhappy. I realised that I was fueling my desire to drop the weight with horrible self-talk and lament over the loss of my bloody 6 pack. That is certainly not how I did it the first time I lost weight. The first time was fun, relaxed, interesting. I tried new activities, gave myself little challenges, met new people, ate mindfully but never really dieted. The key was continuity. I just stuck at it.
It doesn't get any more lightbulb moment than that.
So, here's where I'm at today. I'm determined to take my foot off the snap back gas and just strike a balance with family, food, exercise and enjoyment. The right things will happen, this I know. I just need to have patience and try and enjoy the ride as much as I did last time.
If you've read this far, I appreciate you diving into my hormonal head space but I promise there's more upbeat things ahead.
Stay tuned x